I was shocked and saddened to read your last letter. What kind of louts would take away someone’s business, then have the nerve to publicly humiliate them? I agree with your mother. You need to move away.
Believe me, I have to put up with my fair share of verbal jockeying over here. Ben Chapman of the Red Sox seems to enjoy calling me “Sheenie” and “Christ-killer” every time we play them, and when I’m at first base on road trips, the things I hear from the nearby seats are so sickening I won’t even tell you them in a letter. But I swear, if someone threw an egg at me I’d be jumping into the stands to pound him silly.
I promise to keep mailing you statistic sheets and a copy of the Baseball Gazette every week. I was also able to get an extra cap by telling the team I had “lost” my other one, so I will send you that too as soon as I can. We will be home from our first eastern trip on May 13th, so I’ll have time then.
Speaking of which, I was able to visit my parents in New York while we were there splitting two games with the tough Yankees. I told them about you, and they said if your family decides to move to America, they have a spare room waiting for them until they can find their own place to live. If I tell them about this egg-throwing business they’ll probably let you stay even longer. Please let your mother and father know about their offer.
P.S. Can you have someone take a photograph of your batting stance that you could send me? I would love to give you a tip on how to better reach those cows you mentioned.