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STUFF TO CHEW ON

tobacco copenhagenDear Hank:

Robert Dinglesmith again with the U.S. Smokeless Tobacco Company. I wrote you back in March about you possibly becoming a sponsor of our popular Copenhagen brand of smokeless tobacco, and would like to re-submit my generous offer.

I was at Shibe Park today to see you belt your 38th home run, which has put you on a pace to hit 65 of them and beat Babe Ruth’s record handily. Such a feat would make you the most popular sports figure in the country, in spite of your religious nature, and give USTC the standing in the smokeless tobacco world its hardworking professionals so deserve.

As you likely know, smokeless tobacco is the wave of the future and has been proven by nine out of ten doctors to be a safe, jaw-exercising relaxant. I’m sure your face and signature on advertisements for the can or pouch would be something you and your eventual family can be proud of.

Won’t you reconsider? Write or call me about this at any time.

Sincerely,
R.P. Dinglesmith
United States Smokeless Tobacco Company

July 23, 1938

 

Dear Mr. Greenberg:

We have not seen you here at synagogue in quite a long time, and hope you will find time in your busy playing schedule soon for a Sabbath service visit. Speaking for all of us at Temple Beth-El and the greater Jewish community of Michigan, I have to tell you how much your gallant pursuit of Mr. Ruth’s home run record has delighted our congregation, and what it means to Jewish people across America. Each weekend it is all people seem to be talking about at Beth-El before they take their seats. One member even carried in his radio last Saturday and attempted to plug it into a wall mid-service!

Regardless, in these dark, rekindled days of anti-semitism, it is a daily joy to be reminded that someone in our town is wielding a 36-ounce stick of power to help smash it away.

All my best,
Rabbi Leo Franklin
Temple Beth-El

 

Hey Jew-Face,

You better not come close to beating the Ruth’s homer mark if you don’t want to be rided out of town on a bagel bike. I have friends to help me put you on one.

American Danny

 

Dear Markie:

Again, I’m not sure if you will get this, but I don’t care. Just want you to know that the one thing keeping me going right now is putting on my uniform every day and zeroing in on each of those home run balls with Hitler’s face between the stitches.

Hank
7.24.38

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